In my imagination, this is what I, a lingerie blogger, look like on a daily basis:
Yes, yes, I know this is how you were picturing me too. Allow me to shatter the illusion for a moment.
Last week some friends from college I hadn’t seen in a while came over to work on a project together. It was so wonderful to see these ladies again, and the night wound up stretching on into the early morning. At some point after a few drinks, the conversation turned to underwear (sadly, this is not uncommon when talking with me). I found myself trying to explain something, failing miserably, and finally saying, “Look, wait, let’s just go look at my underwear drawer.”
It was kind of fun to see all my lingerie sets through their eyes. I have so many colors! And styles! And bras I love! I showed off some of the silly things I wear pole dancing, some of the things I wear everyday, and some things I keep in the back of the drawer for special occasions. When I pulled out my beautiful Kiss Me Deadly girdle, one of my friends said “I can’t believe you wear things like this everyday! You’re so . . . fancy and done up!”
Well, look, as much as I’d like to agree, some days I just don’t have it together. I just now looked down at my legs to discover I’d shredded my third pair of stockings THIS MONTH ALONE during this morning’s commute. My gorgeous lovely girdle was on top of my drawer because I thought I’d wear it last week when the temperatures dipped briefly. Naturally, I decided this on a morning I’d overslept by, oh, almost an hour. So the first thing to go out the window that morning was shiny, clean, bouncy hair. My sweated-in-at-the-gym-and-then-slept-on hair got twisted up with pins jammed into it. Makeup was the barest swipe of blush and mascara. I grabbed a dress out of my closet, because dresses are magical outfits-in-one that I don’t have to think about. I managed to locate a clean black bra and a clean pair of black knickers, admittedly not from the same set. In a brief fit of lunacy I tried to brush my teeth and hook the girdle at once to save time, adding five minutes’ delay while I wiped toothpaste off everything. I got myself strapped in and wiggled and shimmied until everything was in its proper place. I found my toe pads to wear with my heels and a matching pair of stockings with a backseam. I got one stocking on and all three clips fastened. Then, as I was lunging for my keys and tugging the second stocking up simultaneously, I’m sure you can guess what happened.
Yep. Massive rip in the stocking, with a run sprouting under my fingers and running down to my ankle.
Somehow, I didn’t feel particularly ladylike that day.
Lingerie can be fun, exciting, sexy, beautiful, sassy and uplifting (both literally and figuratively). However, it can also be intimidating as all hell. I used to be intimidated because I was sure I’d never find anything other than beige or black boring bras in my size, and I wasn’t worthy of the pretty things. I have friends who are intimidated because there are lots of bits and bobs with strange French-ish names and what on earth are they? How do I get them on? For many men, the intimidation can become panic-inducing. So many sizes! What do the letters and numbers mean? How the heck do I get them off her? If you want to start checking out the fancy stuff, but you’re not sure where to begin, why not start with a suspender belt? They’re pretty straightforward, and once you get the hang of the clasps, they don’t add too much time to your morning routine. You can work your way up to the basques and the girdles and the corsets from there, if you want.
I’m sure there is someone (DITA) out there who can wear extraordinary, stunning lingerie, complete with stockings and a dab of perfume, every damned day without trying too hard. Me? Not so much. Some days it would be uncomfortable, some days the logistics are too complicated, and some days I just can’t be bothered. It’s okay!
There are some days when you’re just going to want to wear cotton knickers and the first bra you grab that’s clean. Do they fit you well? Do you feel good? Then carry on! There will also be days when you’re ready to bust out a Major Lingerie Ensemble. Does it fit you well? Do you feel good? BECAUSE YOU DAMN SURE LOOK GOOD, HOT STUFF (that’s what you say to yourself in the mirror before you put the rest of your clothes on (or not)). Lingerie needn’t be a chore or a source of frustration. Take your time, feel free to play, and wear what makes you feel good.